It’s now time to enter the door of winter. Fall has always brought about inner turmoil for me. This one is no exception. I really have nothing to complain about, just generally lost as to ‘whats next’. And making a plan for me is like physically pushing a car with a dead battery……up a hill.
Each of us must live our life. Solitude calls to me now and then. Seperation for me is a time to gather myself together (paradoxical, is it not?). At times life becomes as could be illustrated by a painting (yet to be painted) of family and loved ones, as puppets, entangled with one another not knowing who is pulling whose strings. Time comes to untangle and get on with the show. For me adventure is living and like Nancy sang ‘there’s a light beyond these woods Mary Margaret’.
“What I secretly longed for was to disentangle myself of all those lives which had woven themselves into the pattern of my own life and were making my destiny a part of theirs. ……..My liberation seemed to involve pain and suffering to those near and dear to me.” – Henry Miller
The simple act of removing myself from everyone who knows me clears my head. New places, unfamiliar faces, conversations unrelated to this everyday as it is. It is like fishing, heading out on the ocean to gather experiences and acquaintances or hopes of netting a muse. Then to row back to shore at the end of the day, spent but renewed. Just ask The Old Man and the Sea. Most times you come back with only skeletal memories but they last a lifetime and I am changed.
I also know that solitude not only liberates but it incubates longing. There are certain things one always takes on every journey and memory of loved ones starts out being light to carry but grows heavy with time. We are all truly connected. I would not want to change that.
